I have been playing D&D-5e for a while with my friends and a lot of times, when they say they are completely sure they can come to a meet, they end up not coming. I would at least like to get them to let me know before I waste time going to the meeting place. They don't even have a good excuse, they just change their mind at the last minute. I can't find the right thing to say to get them to actually come. All I need are good ways to get them to agree to a time and place and actually follow through on it.

Do people have a technique they have used at their own table that has worked to solve this issue?

If they are not willing to put in the effort, it may be time to consider ending the game.

This does not just apply to RPGs. What your players are showing you (indirectly) is how much they care about playing and the time that you as the GM have put into this. When I ask my players for a small back story, yes it can be useful, but what I really want to know is if they care enough to put any work into making this fun.

As the GM, you will put in exponentially more work than then players (usually). If they can't be bothered to even tell you they won't show up, why are you putting in the effort? Any trick or tip we can give you to make them show up will not change the fact that they are not interested in playing the game.

My advice to you would be to set up a session - if they don't show up tell them the game is over. When they ask why, explain all of the effort that goes into prepping the fun they get to have and tell them you do not have the time to do all that prep if no one will show up. This could play out a couple of different ways:

• It will prompt discussion about why. Maybe the players are bored with the way the story is going, or they aren't interested and they are too shy to say anything.


• Maybe they just don't realize the effort that goes into prepping and after seeing how much work you put in, they will put in more effort


• Maybe they are just disrespectful and honestly don't care. In that case, find a new group

Get other players.

Granted, that sounds provocative (and is a little exaggerated, you should always talk with people first), but it's really all it boils down to. If your players don't bother showing up to agreed-upon sessions, without giving excuses, then they apparently value other things more than D&D and the effort you put into preparation.

In my experience, if players don't show up to a session without an explanation, that's because of one of two reasons. Readers other than OP: remember that the issue at hand is not people that miss sessions because of valid reasons such as work or illness.

One possible reason is that they have a major reason why they couldn't come, but which they want to keep secret (at least from you). Examples could include a cancer diagnosis or pregnancy which they don't want to announce publically yet. Obviously, this situation is a rather rare case. Either way, if this is the case with (some of) your players, it might help to talk to them about it, and potentially ask them to take an announced break from D&D if they're not gonna be able to show up anyways. That way, at least, you don't have to cancel sessions because half the people decided not to show up.

The other possibility, which is more likely in my experience, is that they didn't want to play. This might be the case because they simply have other hobbies which they enjoy more and prioritize higher, in which case there's no real point in attempting to include them in your session planning. Whether or not you let them stay in your group and just don't let them participate in session planning is up to you.

However, the reason why they don't want to play doesn't have to be necessarily connected to them having better alternatives per se.

In my first D&D group (which I'm still playing with), I've had issues with the DM pretty frequently, which both of us were responsible for. Eventually, once we were done with LMOP, another player started DMing, and it's been much better since. Anyways, before that happened, another player who was rather sensitive about quarrels between other people (such as me and the DM) and also generally prone to depression decided to leave the group because of our arguments. We only found out later that this was the reason why he left, otherwise we would have probably done something about it. Either way, I think this is a good example of another reason why someone might not enjoy playing in your group.

Bottom line: talk to your players, and figure out why they decided not to show up before you kick them out.

If it's because of a reason they can't tell you or if they have issues with some of the more disruptive people in the group, try to work with them. If they simply have better things to do, put up with it as long as you're motivated, otherwise, kick them out. It's probably a good idea to talk with the reliably present players first, though.

A Frank conversation with big Curt and little Josh

This title sounds totally corny, and maybe it is, but I use this phrase to remind myself when I need to have an honest conversation with someone (I'm going to be frank) and I need to be straightforward (I'll be curt) and it's ok to bring a little humor into the conversation to keep it light (I can josh around a little bit).

I find this approach works particularly well when I need to have a conversation about something serious with someone I have an established relationship with. For example when I'm collaborating with friends on a project and an issue has come up, when I'm checking in with a student I have a good rapport with about low performance in a class I'm teaching, or when I talk to my children about a poor decision they made. I GM with friends often, and this approach works well when I have a concern with a player or players or even the whole group of us.

Don't Sally about, and meet with Grace.

Ugh, I know, the name puns have to stop. This phrase helps remind me to not wait around (sally about) for a problem to solve itself and approach the problem with compassion and grace. It's a good reminder that not all problems are as I see them, and especially when other people are involved there is usually a good reason those people are acting the way they are. I find it helpful to approach a situation like this by giving the other person the opportunity to express themselves.

Bringing it together

So how do you apply these approaches to your situation? You've already started: You noticed the problem and you want to correct it (you're not sallying about). And you've come to RPG Stack Exchange to find a good way to do that (go you!). The next step is going to be a little harder: You have to talk to your friends.

I would suggest speaking to each player individually, in person if possible or by phone if that's not possible, texting and other typed conversations often lead to misunderstandings when resolving interpersonal issues, I strongly suggest you avoid these. Tell them what you've noticed:

Hey, I noticed you haven't been able to make it to a lot of our games.

(Yeah)

Tell them what happens when they're not there:

When you're not there it's really hard for the group and the story to function properly. We all know you're the best at kicking orc butt (or whatever they are actually the best, or really good at. This shows them their value, and they are valuable - that's why it sucks when they don't show up, because you value them, make sure they know this). It also makes it really hard for me to GM if I expect you to show up and you're not there (these both show them the consequences of their actions).

(Oh bug, I didn't realize)

Ask them their ideas:

What do you think we should do about this? (you could/should also add:) Is there anything I can do?

There's a lot of responses that can come out of this. They may tell you Tuesdays actually don't work so well for them. They may say actually the game isn't what they thought it would be and their not that interested (and that's ok). They might say they've been feeling out of place because they don't really understand how to play, or that roleplaying makes them uncomfortable. They could say they suck at keeping track of appointments and they just plain forget. These and any other answers are all good to know and can lead to resolution.

Whatever their response is, listen for the underlying issue and respond to that. If it's something you can help them resolve, then do what you can to help them. You'll have to determine for yourself what you're willing to do to help them, but don't commit to anything that is not realistic and doesn't feel right. If it's not something that can be resolved (like they have no time) let them know that you really appreciated their presence in the group but they can't really play if they can't show up. There are of course a spectrum of responses, you could also let them know it's ok if they only come once a month, you just need to know before hand when they will show up.

When you've come to a resolution be sure to seal the deal:

I'm so glad we worked this out. You can count on me to text you two days before each meeting to remind you the time and place. (or whatever you decided you would do.)

(ok, cool)

Can I count on you to get back to me the day before to let me know if you can or can't make it? (or whatever you decided they should do).

(yeah, sure)

Ok, cuz if you don't, no more Orc butt-kicking for you. Seriously, I can't let you be a part of the group if I don't know if you'll show up.

(alright, fair enough.)

If you feel the issue has been resolved say something like:

I'm glad we worked this out. or I'm sorry this won't work out for you, let's hang out sometime when you have more time. or whatever seems appropriate - this is a good opportunity to be funny and end the conversation on a light note.

What if they respond with "I don't know."?

You've asked them what they think should be done and they respond with the dreaded, "I dunno." What now? Keep the ball in their court, but remind them you're available to help. Something like:

Ok, well let's keep this convo going. Can you think about it and get back to me before the end of the week? (or any timetable you think is reasonable here) We'd all really like for you to be a part of the group and I'm available to help make that happen if possible. I really need to know if and how you can be a part of the group so I know how to prepare the campaign each week.

If they don't get back to you, make sure to call them and check in near the end of the week, or whatever timetable you agreed on.

Hold each player (and yourself) to your agreement with them

Whatever you end up deciding with each player, hold them and yourself up to your part of the deal. If you said you would text to remind them the day before each meeting, do it. If they said they would let you know when they can't show up at least a day in advance and they don't do it tell them that's not fair to you or the group and they can no longer be a part of the group.

Don't forget to breathe. You go this.