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Is using an 'empty' metaphor considered bad style?

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6

0

I just had this sentence off my head:

A crown of fire spread through the country consuming everything on its
way.

What I mean by empty metaphor is a metaphor that doesn't really have any meaning or even purpose. The same sentence could be replaced with the following:

A circle of fire spread through the country consuming everything on
its way.

Also, I don't even think crown would make sense even if the "fire" was spread by an evil king. What do you think?

creative-writing style metaphor

share|improve this question

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  just a side note, I consider the sequel to Eragon, Eldest, nearly unreadable with how many pointless metaphors and similes it had. One or two metaphors that don't hit the mark are fine, just don't flood your story with them
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Could you give an example just out of curiosity?
  
  – repomonster
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  One example that I remember being particularly pointless was 'his fingers were as numb as frozen wood'
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  do inanimate objects become numb though? I think not, making it a poor analogy and the frozen detail moot
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Just about the phrase "crown of fire", there is actually a type of bushfire called a "crown fire". It's a fire that spreads through the treetops, usually with incredible speed. So at first your metaphor just made me think that it was literally a crown fire, which seems not to be what you're aiming for. So maybe "circle of fire" would be better in this case, anyway
  
  – s.anne.w
  10 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 2 more comments

6

0

I just had this sentence off my head:

A crown of fire spread through the country consuming everything on its
way.

What I mean by empty metaphor is a metaphor that doesn't really have any meaning or even purpose. The same sentence could be replaced with the following:

A circle of fire spread through the country consuming everything on
its way.

Also, I don't even think crown would make sense even if the "fire" was spread by an evil king. What do you think?

creative-writing style metaphor

share|improve this question

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  just a side note, I consider the sequel to Eragon, Eldest, nearly unreadable with how many pointless metaphors and similes it had. One or two metaphors that don't hit the mark are fine, just don't flood your story with them
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Could you give an example just out of curiosity?
  
  – repomonster
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  One example that I remember being particularly pointless was 'his fingers were as numb as frozen wood'
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  do inanimate objects become numb though? I think not, making it a poor analogy and the frozen detail moot
  
  – BKlassen
  11 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Just about the phrase "crown of fire", there is actually a type of bushfire called a "crown fire". It's a fire that spreads through the treetops, usually with incredible speed. So at first your metaphor just made me think that it was literally a crown fire, which seems not to be what you're aiming for. So maybe "circle of fire" would be better in this case, anyway
  
  – s.anne.w
  10 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 2 more comments

I just had this sentence off my head:

A crown of fire spread through the country consuming everything on its
way.

What I mean by empty metaphor is a metaphor that doesn't really have any meaning or even purpose. The same sentence could be replaced with the following:

A circle of fire spread through the country consuming everything on
its way.

Also, I don't even think crown would make sense even if the "fire" was spread by an evil king. What do you think?

creative-writing style metaphor

share|improve this question

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

share|improve this question

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

share|improve this question

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

edited 11 hours ago

linksassin

541213

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

asked 11 hours ago

repomonsterrepomonster

1,102423

3 Answers
3

active

oldest

votes

12

It isn't exactly empty; a spreading circle of fire might look like a growing crown; with high fire on the perimeter and no fire in the middle. (But ending with "on its way" throws me, it should be "consuming everything in its way").

That said, aside from your example, if your metaphor is obscure and has no obvious application to what is being described, then it breaks the flow of reading because the reader struggles to reconcile this. That would be bad style.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

add a comment | 

8

This isn't bad style

"A crown of fire" is a an evocative statement full of imagery and connotations. Instantly, I can imagine the burning ring of flame, progressing outward and reaching up to the sky. The sentence may not make literal sense but certainly is a good description.

In contrast "a circle of fire" seems somewhat lame. It describes the physical shape of the fire (potentially 'ring' would be better) but it does little to describe the appearance of the flame.

More generally there isn't really such a thing as "bad style" just different style. Whether this is good or not depends on if it fits into the style and structure of the rest of your work. A single empty metaphor in an otherwise literal piece will feel out of place. But if your work is full of this type of description then it will be fine.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

add a comment | 

5

It's an "Analogy"

Similes and metaphors are types of analogy. It's still a metaphor because of the sentence structure (it's not a simile).

When the comparison is really extreme it's called an analogy. The brain has to "reach out" to synaptic connections find the cross-reference how these things are alike, and eventually offers up shapes and colors, like your fire-crown.

You have an instinct that is telling you these words are associated.

It's a good instinct. Keep listening!

It is not "empty", it is loaded with vivid imagery, but also other (surreptitious?) cross-referenced associations like concentration of power, danger, and eminent domain. My brain was delighted. Thank you!

Compare to this example from the analogy link:

Night Clouds (By Amy Lowell)

The white mares of the moon rush along the sky

Beating their golden hoofs upon the glass Heavens.

Which is pretty but makes your head hurt if you try to think about it too literally.

share|improve this answer

edited 10 hours ago

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

add a comment | 

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12

It isn't exactly empty; a spreading circle of fire might look like a growing crown; with high fire on the perimeter and no fire in the middle. (But ending with "on its way" throws me, it should be "consuming everything in its way").

That said, aside from your example, if your metaphor is obscure and has no obvious application to what is being described, then it breaks the flow of reading because the reader struggles to reconcile this. That would be bad style.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

add a comment | 

12

It isn't exactly empty; a spreading circle of fire might look like a growing crown; with high fire on the perimeter and no fire in the middle. (But ending with "on its way" throws me, it should be "consuming everything in its way").

That said, aside from your example, if your metaphor is obscure and has no obvious application to what is being described, then it breaks the flow of reading because the reader struggles to reconcile this. That would be bad style.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

add a comment | 

It isn't exactly empty; a spreading circle of fire might look like a growing crown; with high fire on the perimeter and no fire in the middle. (But ending with "on its way" throws me, it should be "consuming everything in its way").

That said, aside from your example, if your metaphor is obscure and has no obvious application to what is being described, then it breaks the flow of reading because the reader struggles to reconcile this. That would be bad style.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

answered 11 hours ago

AmadeusAmadeus

51.9k466167

8

This isn't bad style

"A crown of fire" is a an evocative statement full of imagery and connotations. Instantly, I can imagine the burning ring of flame, progressing outward and reaching up to the sky. The sentence may not make literal sense but certainly is a good description.

In contrast "a circle of fire" seems somewhat lame. It describes the physical shape of the fire (potentially 'ring' would be better) but it does little to describe the appearance of the flame.

More generally there isn't really such a thing as "bad style" just different style. Whether this is good or not depends on if it fits into the style and structure of the rest of your work. A single empty metaphor in an otherwise literal piece will feel out of place. But if your work is full of this type of description then it will be fine.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

add a comment | 

8

This isn't bad style

"A crown of fire" is a an evocative statement full of imagery and connotations. Instantly, I can imagine the burning ring of flame, progressing outward and reaching up to the sky. The sentence may not make literal sense but certainly is a good description.

In contrast "a circle of fire" seems somewhat lame. It describes the physical shape of the fire (potentially 'ring' would be better) but it does little to describe the appearance of the flame.

More generally there isn't really such a thing as "bad style" just different style. Whether this is good or not depends on if it fits into the style and structure of the rest of your work. A single empty metaphor in an otherwise literal piece will feel out of place. But if your work is full of this type of description then it will be fine.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

add a comment | 

This isn't bad style

"A crown of fire" is a an evocative statement full of imagery and connotations. Instantly, I can imagine the burning ring of flame, progressing outward and reaching up to the sky. The sentence may not make literal sense but certainly is a good description.

In contrast "a circle of fire" seems somewhat lame. It describes the physical shape of the fire (potentially 'ring' would be better) but it does little to describe the appearance of the flame.

More generally there isn't really such a thing as "bad style" just different style. Whether this is good or not depends on if it fits into the style and structure of the rest of your work. A single empty metaphor in an otherwise literal piece will feel out of place. But if your work is full of this type of description then it will be fine.

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

share|improve this answer

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

answered 11 hours ago

linksassinlinksassin

541213

5

It's an "Analogy"

Similes and metaphors are types of analogy. It's still a metaphor because of the sentence structure (it's not a simile).

When the comparison is really extreme it's called an analogy. The brain has to "reach out" to synaptic connections find the cross-reference how these things are alike, and eventually offers up shapes and colors, like your fire-crown.

You have an instinct that is telling you these words are associated.

It's a good instinct. Keep listening!

It is not "empty", it is loaded with vivid imagery, but also other (surreptitious?) cross-referenced associations like concentration of power, danger, and eminent domain. My brain was delighted. Thank you!

Compare to this example from the analogy link:

Night Clouds (By Amy Lowell)

The white mares of the moon rush along the sky

Beating their golden hoofs upon the glass Heavens.

Which is pretty but makes your head hurt if you try to think about it too literally.

share|improve this answer

edited 10 hours ago

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

add a comment | 

5

It's an "Analogy"

Similes and metaphors are types of analogy. It's still a metaphor because of the sentence structure (it's not a simile).

When the comparison is really extreme it's called an analogy. The brain has to "reach out" to synaptic connections find the cross-reference how these things are alike, and eventually offers up shapes and colors, like your fire-crown.

You have an instinct that is telling you these words are associated.

It's a good instinct. Keep listening!

It is not "empty", it is loaded with vivid imagery, but also other (surreptitious?) cross-referenced associations like concentration of power, danger, and eminent domain. My brain was delighted. Thank you!

Compare to this example from the analogy link:

Night Clouds (By Amy Lowell)

The white mares of the moon rush along the sky

Beating their golden hoofs upon the glass Heavens.

Which is pretty but makes your head hurt if you try to think about it too literally.

share|improve this answer

edited 10 hours ago

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

add a comment | 

It's an "Analogy"

Similes and metaphors are types of analogy. It's still a metaphor because of the sentence structure (it's not a simile).

When the comparison is really extreme it's called an analogy. The brain has to "reach out" to synaptic connections find the cross-reference how these things are alike, and eventually offers up shapes and colors, like your fire-crown.

You have an instinct that is telling you these words are associated.

It's a good instinct. Keep listening!

It is not "empty", it is loaded with vivid imagery, but also other (surreptitious?) cross-referenced associations like concentration of power, danger, and eminent domain. My brain was delighted. Thank you!

Compare to this example from the analogy link:

Night Clouds (By Amy Lowell)

The white mares of the moon rush along the sky

Beating their golden hoofs upon the glass Heavens.

Which is pretty but makes your head hurt if you try to think about it too literally.

share|improve this answer

edited 10 hours ago

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

share|improve this answer

edited 10 hours ago

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255

answered 11 hours ago

wetcircuitwetcircuit

11.3k22255